Mujer, Interrumpida...

on relating to european american folk

so last year, i was suddenly stricken by a unchecked disdain for european americans (commonly known as white people). i was heavily engaged in internalized oppression conversations that marked white supremacy as one of three ideologies that oppress this entire world (along with patriarchy and capitalism). i went through months of not knowing how i could possibly maintain friendships with european american folks who are near and dear to my heart. it was very uncomfortable for me because fundamentally, i believe every single person in the world is oppressed by the system in many different ways and i have never been one to play the “who’s more oppressed?” game. i do however have a problem with anyone comparing any struggle to a person of color’s struggle and i will call you the fuck out quick the minute i hear such bullshit i.e the infamous slutwalk poster last year and anything of the like.

i also temporarily lost one of the most important people in my life, who is also european american (let’s call him e.b). i was angry with him for personal reasons and was annoyed by some of the ways he used the knowledge he had gained as a black studies major (that’s actually why we met, as black studies majors). it was problematic for a multitude of reasons but the short of it is that being a european american black studies major is both amazing and also uncomfortable. it’s amazing because of the clarity they gain on their white privilege and the knowledge of the missing parts of their elementary school education; it’s uncomfortable because speaking on the black experience as a european american can be very offensive.

so, in the temporary madness i was in, i vowed i would never again venture into romantic relationships with european american men. i said this to a close friend of mine (let’s call him j) who was also having issues with white supremacy as well. j and i spoke a lot about the topic, how to handle it and also because e.b was a mutual friend, about how problematic his behavior was at the time. i was still troubled by the way i was reacting to the information i was getting about white supremacy from my job; so much so that i began to distance myself from people i loved deeply.

thank goodness that shit passed. my co-worker imparted some clarity on me and told me that the intention of what she was teaching me wasn’t to go out and hate european americans, but instead to be aware of the way white supremacy is at work in the larger system.

so fast forward to the end of last year. e.b comes back into my life and we kiss and make up and live happily ever after. not before i called him on his shit and told him that as a european american black studies major, he needed to know his place and exercise sensitivity with his knowledge. he had had a revelation about his tone with the subject and we were on the same page.

recently, i told a friend that i was in a relationship with e.b. they turned around and said,

“omg. what are people going to say when they find out you have a white boyfriend?!”

omg. who the fuck cares? being with someone who is the same skin tone as me does not automatically mean they have the level of consciousness necessary to be with me. hell, anyone of any background who i engage with regularly is likely to be aware of society’s bullshit. as a lecturer on the subject of self-hate, i know the argument about womyn/men of color who are with european american folks. i get that. and yes, that does exist. there are people in the world who purposely date lighter skinned folks because of some deep internalized oppression. there are also people who are aware of their race politic and have a level of self-awareness that allows them to engage in relationships with anyone and be true to themselves.

just in case anyone was going to be like my dear friend and be up in arms about the race of the person i love.